Self-Portrait

Joseph Nicephore Niepce captured the first photographic image in 1826. I like to imagine the intensity of that moment when he realized what he had done, and the endless possibilities he had opened up.  In many ways, photography has become a lazier medium than others. The results can be achieved in very little time, comparatively. But photography can also be much more baring, as shown by the moments in history that have been displayed in all their raw glory. Often, these results can be extremely uncomfortable.

            But like anything, photography can be manipulated to lie, influence, or highlight a thought. The postmodernists were brilliant with their props and settings, enabling them to take one thing and make it another. Suddenly, a photograph could make as much of a statement as a painting or a song.

            I chose to do my self-portrait in the medium of photography.

            This image has obviously been posed, the setting carefully chosen, the lighting specifically set, and an optimal image achieved. Almost nothing about this image is an accident. In that way, it has been designed to achieve a precise reaction. At the same time, however, the purpose was to show myself in a vulnerable and raw state. This is how I look. This is my face without make-up, without guile, without pretense. Three angles are shown simultaneously to insure that I have hidden nothing. So although I have set up my shot to lead you in the direction that I want, I am still unprotected in the very personal way that I have chosen to show myself.

            This choice came on the heels of being told for the third consecutive time that I would never find love if I didn’t become more attractive. In order to be valued by another human being, I was told to lose weight, buy nicer clothing, and spend more time on my hair and face. My first reaction was hurt. I think even the staunchest among us are hurt by things like this.  Like every fragile human, I have the desire to be loved and valued. My next reaction was anger. Who is the world to tell me my worth? I am more than my skin! I am all heart, passion, and hope wrapped up in my flaws and struggles. Finally, I have come to a place where I seek out a sense of self-worth for myself and no one else. In time, I hope to value myself the way that I ultimately desire to be valued by another. Until then, this is me.